The People of Merrie England
Within the walls of a small English abbey, and in the village beyond its gates, a cast of unforgettable characters goes about the business of 14th-century life. Here they are.
The Abbot
Pompous, scheming, and convinced of his own importance. The Abbot runs his abbey with an iron fist and an eye for personal profit. Never does anything without a motive, and rarely does anything without Ralph to carry it out.
Brother Ralph
Prior of the abbey and the Abbot’s long-suffering right-hand man. Exasperated by almost everything, loyally carries out instructions he frequently disagrees with. Recognisable at any distance by his perfectly spherical head.
Esme Gat-Tooth
The local witch. Controlled, dry, and dangerous in a quiet way. Has a signed agreement with the Abbot guaranteeing her right to live as she pleases and follow the old ways — an agreement she extracted by means best not discussed. Turns people into things out of petty spite for imagined slights. Her spring rite has a variable success rate.
Mother Chattox
Esme’s foul-mouthed rival witch. All noise and bluster where Esme is controlled and quiet. Her magic goes wrong through mispronunciation and malapropism — she is too proud to admit errors and doubles down on the results. Sworn enemy of Esme. The feeling is entirely mutual.
Brother Theophrastus
The abbey’s almoner, responsible for charitable giving. Driven by genuine goodwill and catastrophically named initiatives. Means well. Always means well.
Umphrey the Hermit
Irredeemably filthy, widely revered, and largely useless. Lives alone in the woods and is consulted as a mystic by those who should know better. Meditates, cogitates, and prays. That is genuinely all.
Brother Hamish
A Scottish monk and the abbey’s beekeeper. Spare and measured, with an instinctive nose for witchcraft and the directness to say so.
Ives the Woodcutter
Strong, friendly, and not overburdened with intellect. Carries a very large axe at all times, usually at precisely the wrong moment.
Christopher the Reeve
The village tax collector. Has to play the heavy while wishing he could be nice to everyone. Nobody’s favourite visitor, least of all his own.
Sarah
A skull on Esme’s mantelpiece. An executed witch, now serving as Esme’s confidante, conscience and occasional tormentor. Speaks in rural vernacular. Has one line she reserves for the right moment.